New Year, Same Me

I had a lot of lofty goals for this year. Like so many of us, I was imagining what this year would be and how it would be “my year.” I planned for all of December. Wrote out lists. I decided to goal plan by month to make it more manageable. I was excited and nervous to tackle this year. But midnight on New Years’ is not some magical time when everything changes.

We’re three days in. How many people have broken their resolutions?

I honestly kind of hate how everyone has this strong opinion about making resolutions or not or being able to start any day. It’s all very motivational, but for some reason it’s gotten on my nerves this year. Everyone is pushing all the dozens of ways to be better.

Start today. Be better everyday. It only takes a moment to change your life. Just one decision.

Yes. But you want to know what my new resolution is this year?

Survive.

You see, I have goals. I have plans. I want to change my life and “start today.” But I have been constantly feeling this need to do everything right now and be the best at all my goals. Yet I can barely keep up with my housework and struggle every minute of every day to handle my kids’ whining and demands and to keep them entertained.

Once I decided early in the morning on January 1st to just survive, I felt relief. I don’t have to feel like a failure all January whenever my plans don’t go perfectly. And you know what? I can still have goals and plans. I can’t say that I worked out every single day of 2019 or that I never got on my phone in front of my kids in 2019 or that I never added any debt in 2019 for any reason.

My resolution isn’t even to do my best. I always feel like I could do better no matter how good I do. So I am going to do what I need to do to get through each day. I am going to deal with my depression, keep the house running, keep up with my kids’ as best I can, and I’m going to survive.