New Year, Same Me

I had a lot of lofty goals for this year. Like so many of us, I was imagining what this year would be and how it would be “my year.” I planned for all of December. Wrote out lists. I decided to goal plan by month to make it more manageable. I was excited and nervous to tackle this year. But midnight on New Years’ is not some magical time when everything changes.

We’re three days in. How many people have broken their resolutions?

I honestly kind of hate how everyone has this strong opinion about making resolutions or not or being able to start any day. It’s all very motivational, but for some reason it’s gotten on my nerves this year. Everyone is pushing all the dozens of ways to be better.

Start today. Be better everyday. It only takes a moment to change your life. Just one decision.

Yes. But you want to know what my new resolution is this year?

Survive.

You see, I have goals. I have plans. I want to change my life and “start today.” But I have been constantly feeling this need to do everything right now and be the best at all my goals. Yet I can barely keep up with my housework and struggle every minute of every day to handle my kids’ whining and demands and to keep them entertained.

Once I decided early in the morning on January 1st to just survive, I felt relief. I don’t have to feel like a failure all January whenever my plans don’t go perfectly. And you know what? I can still have goals and plans. I can’t say that I worked out every single day of 2019 or that I never got on my phone in front of my kids in 2019 or that I never added any debt in 2019 for any reason.

My resolution isn’t even to do my best. I always feel like I could do better no matter how good I do. So I am going to do what I need to do to get through each day. I am going to deal with my depression, keep the house running, keep up with my kids’ as best I can, and I’m going to survive.

Sometimes You Get a Little Lost

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I didn’t get a smart phone until I was 23. I’ve always been a little directionally challenged, despite my dad trying to get me to pay attention to his driving for as long as I could remember. So I spent a lot of years printing directions off of Google…or scribbling out directions on some scratch paper.

As just about anyone who drives can tell you, there are often detours, missed turns, and traffic to worry about. I can’t tell you how many times I got lost trying to drive somewhere. When my directions were no longer applicable because I got off track somewhere along the line. When I had to go a different route to avoid stop-and-go traffic so my engine wouldn’t overheat and had no idea where I was. Continue reading “Sometimes You Get a Little Lost”

Autumn Decor

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Autumn! Seriously the best time of the year! The fall leaves are beautiful and the chill in the air is amazing. It’s also so much fun to decorate for. I’ve had my fall decorations up since late August and wanted to share some of my favorite fall looks. Continue reading “Autumn Decor”

My First Quiet Book

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I love being creative and making things…but it’s amazing how long it takes me! I started this quiet book when my oldest was about nine months old. I finished it just before he turned four. BUT, I love how it turned out! Continue reading “My First Quiet Book”

Healing After Having a G-Tube

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Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or nurse. All of the information in this post is based on my own experience with my son.

My 16-month-old got a g-tube placed at 5 weeks old. It was scary and unknown, but we got used to it. It even started to seem strange that other babies didn’t have feeding tubes.

He was able to slowly take more and more food by mouth and after the worries of winter illnesses, he got his g-tube button out in April. After 13 months of dealing with leakage, granulation tissue, emergency replacement kits, tubes, feeding pumps, feeding pump bags, and worrying the button would be pulled out, it was gone.  Continue reading “Healing After Having a G-Tube”

A Letter to My 13-Year-Old Self

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I like to listen to the radio when I take my son to preschool in the morning. Usually there is some banter, jokes, new songs, throwback songs, and games. My favorite is when they throw a question out and people call or text to answer it. Last week the question was more thought provoking than normal for me.

“What would you tell your 13-year-old self?” Continue reading “A Letter to My 13-Year-Old Self”

Living A Happy Life

I fell off the fitness wagon. Again. I can’t even count the number of times that has happened. After several days of binging on brownies, soda, licorice, and pizza, I felt awful. Bloated. Ashamed. A little hopeless. I mean, how many times can one reasonably start over again trying to lose weight?

Don’t worry. It’s a rhetorical question. Continue reading “Living A Happy Life”