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I’ve made a lot of mistakes as a mother. I’m pretty sure we all do. The thing is, there is no exact right way. What works for one person won’t work for another. My “mistakes” have taught me a lot and have gotten me to where I am as a mother. If I went back and did it all again, I’d probably make a lot of the same mistakes because I was doing what worked until it didn’t or what I thought was best.
However, there are some lessons to be learned from my mistakes…
Mistake #1: Bathing the baby every night
My pediatrician told me not to. Everything I read said not to. A baby’s skin dries out if you do, and babies don’t get sweaty or dirty. Well, I was all about routines, and I was desperate for sleep. My first woke up three or four times a night for at least the first year and was up before the sun. I was set on bathing him every night because I know how nice it feels to be clean and lotioned and hoped it would help with sleep. It probably did, but the stress of making sure to fit it in every night was not worth it.
Mistake #2: Always taking over for my husband
I trusted my husband, but I also had more experience with babies. I also just felt like I could do everything better. I’d correct how he changed diapers or played with the baby. I would rush through my shower in five minutes so I wasn’t away for too long. Not only did this stress me out way more than was necessary, but it also set up a precedence that I would always do everything.
Mistake #3: Not taking the baby in public alone (for six months!)
Babies are unpredictable. From crying out of nowhere to not calming down for anything. So the first months of being a mother were isolating for me. I was terrified to go out in public alone in case he cried and I couldn’t calm him down. My son was born in August and I remember running into Wal-Mart in December to pick up some pictures I had ordered. He was in the car seat in the stroller and I was in and out in probably ten minutes. Now I take my two crazy kiddos wherever I need to. They scream and cry and whatnot, but it’s life. And it’s making me less self-conscious, so that’s a plus.
Mistake #4: Never leaving the baby
I didn’t leave the house alone for nearly a year after my first was born. Between being an anxious, worried new mom and breastfeeding on demand, it was easier to stay home. But I’m guessing getting some alone time away from home would have helped me deal with my postpartum depression. I remember going to the movies with a friend when my son was 11 months old and talking to her about how it was the first time I’d really gone anywhere without him since he was born. Taking breaks and taking care of yourself really are important.
Mistake #5: Not taking videos (so I wouldn’t be in them)
I have always been great about taking hundreds of pictures of my kids. I seriously take a ton. Videos, not so much. I’ve always hated hearing recordings of my voice, so I’ve just avoided taking videos of my kiddos or stayed completely silent and ended the video when I needed to talk. Don’t get me wrong, I have videos of my kids and I love going back and watching them, but I hate to think how many more I would have if I wasn’t so worried about what I would look like or sound like on video.
Mistake #6: Worrying about dependency
I’d always had this idea of motherhood that involved strict routines but no dependency on a favorite blanket or stuffed animal. I didn’t want to create a situation that made life harder in the future when we lost the blankie. When I heard about sound machines, I thought they were silly. I wanted my children to be able to sleep through things. Naps were rough until I started using white noise. Then my oldest found a favorite stuffed animal, and my youngest used a binkie until he was two and a half. Sometimes those things they are dependent on are lifesavers.
Mistake #7: Not getting a video monitor
I had gone back and forth on whether or not to get a video monitor. Ultimately I didn’t want to spend the money. Our house isn’t huge and a sound monitor seemed like it would work well enough. And it did until my son started rolling over and not being able to roll back. He would get stuck on his tummy or get a leg stuck out of the side of his crib. Without being able to see him I wasn’t ever sure whether I needed to go in and help him or whether he was just falling asleep. I LOVE having a video monitor, especially now with one kid in a crib and one in a toddler bed.
I’m sure there are so many other things I did “wrong” that first year as a mom, but you don’t get a lot of instructions with babies. You have to make mistakes to find out what works for you and your baby and your family.
