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I like to listen to the radio when I take my son to preschool in the morning. Usually there is some banter, jokes, new songs, throwback songs, and games. My favorite is when they throw a question out and people call or text to answer it. Last week the question was more thought provoking than normal for me.

“What would you tell your 13-year-old self?”

I honestly like to think that even the things I regret are just part of my story. They are what got me here, and they are who I am. I am proud of everything I’ve done and everything I’ve been through. But there are definitely things I would change if I was given the chance.

What would you change about your life?

Some things are specific and not too helpful for other people. Some things are general. Maybe helpful. Maybe too vague. And maybe none of this will help anyone and will just be a good way for me to get my thoughts out. Here goes…

 

Dear 13-Year-Old Self,

• Make more mistakes

This is my top piece of advice. MAKE MISTAKES. You don’t have to do everything perfectly. You don’t have to stress and obsess over every little thing. You spend so much time convincing yourself you can’t do things because you are scared to fail. So you don’t fail. But you don’t really succeed either.

Try out for the choir. Run for student body officer. Ask someone to the dance. Hang out with your roommates even if they’re doing something you don’t usually do. You never get those chances again.

• Don’t be afraid to get help

When you don’t understand French, do something about it! Make a study group. Meet with the teacher. When you start feeling depressed, go to the doctor. Don’t be afraid of taking medicine. Ask about therapy. There are enough struggles in life without you adding any more.

• Nobody else cares as much as you do

This probably doesn’t really sound like advice. But it is. Don’t get so caught up in what other people think. I know it feels like everyone else’s opinion matters so much. Nobody cares as much as you do when you fail. No one cares as much as you do when you succeed, either.

So when you fail, get back up and try again. If you don’t reach your goals, no one will care but you. You’ll just be selling yourself short. And when you succeed, enjoy it. You are the only one who knows how hard you worked. You are the only one who really gets to see the fruits of your efforts. Work hard for you. Not for anyone else.

          

• Enjoy what you have (while you have it)

I know, I know. It’s cliche. You never know what you have until it’s gone. Sometimes you just give into that cliche and assume you’ll never really enjoy anything in the moment. Don’t. Stop comparing your life to everyone else’s. Look around. Imagine you are seeing it for the first time. How amazing are the spring flowers? How cool is it that you know the people you know? Isn’t it amazing that you can dance, listen to music, draw, see?

• Go on the study abroad

This could go either way. You’ll be glad you stayed home, worked, didn’t go into debt, and continued to date your husband. You will. But you’ll also wonder what might have been. You’ll miss out on things you didn’t know you could miss out on. You’ll never know what friends you might have made, what foods you might have tried, how much French you might have learned. You’ll never know.

• Go on more trips before kids

I know: money is an issue. It always will be. You may learn to have fun sitting in your apartment playing card games and watching Netflix, but it would be worth it to take a few trips here and there. They don’t have to be extravagant. They don’t have to be long. Just go experience the world before you have to pack the trunk full just for one night or go around nap schedules or keep kids happy in car seats.

           

Don’t let your life pass you by. Cliches are cliches for a reason. They are so, so often resoundingly true. These are the good old days. Time does pass so quickly. You will regret the things you don’t do. Take life by the horns and live it.

Sincerely,

26-year-old me

PS-You’re skinny. You’ll look back at pictures and WISH you could be as skinny as you were in your teens. Believe me.