I thought parenting would be easier. I mean, I knew it would be hard, but I didn’t know how hard. I thought things were cut and dry. I thought timeouts were as simple as putting the kid on a chair and setting a timer. I thought if I fed my kids fruits and veggies from the start they would eat healthy. And I thought I’d make my kids say “please” and “thank you.”
Granted, I make my three year old say “thank you.” Maybe make is too strong of a word. We practice.
But “please,” I learned, is a bit harder to enforce. When my oldest started talking, I taught him to ask for things when he wanted or needed them…and then I wouldn’t do what he asked until he said “please.” This made for a lot of frustrating conversations. He didn’t have the patience to repeatedly ask for what he wanted, and I didn’t want to have to tell him the same thing over and over again.
I was weeks or months into the “please” frustrations when I asked someone for something. I can’t even tell you what it was or who I was talking to. But I’ve noticed the same thing every time I’ve asked my husband for help or my son to do something.
I didn’t say “please.”
That sounds awful, and maybe I’m the only one who does this, but it’s true.
“Would you change the baby’s diaper?”
“Could I have one of your M&Ms?”
“Can you pick up a pizza on the way home?
“Can your brother play too?”
Seriously, I thought I was polite! But I have noticed more and more how seldom I said “please.” And yet, I didn’t think I was being rude. I don’t. There is more to being polite than just using certain words. Your tone of voice says a lot. And I think even the mere fact that I ask a question makes it sound nicer than a demand. I didn’t say, “Change the baby’s diaper.” Or “Give me an M&M.”
I thought “please” was a big deal. The bigger deal was realizing that there are so many other things I need to question. I can’t always take things at face value. It is more complicated than that.
What are some things you thought would be cut and dry as a parent that aren’t?
