“Be happy!”
My toddler screamed it at me as he chased me down the hallway. I don’t remember why I was frustrated. He’d been testing his limits. He’d been refusing timeouts. He’d been getting into things I’d never had to worry about before. His three month old brother cried in my arms. I didn’t blame him for the outbursts, but I didn’t know how to make things better.
The next day I was frustrated over something else. Changing the baby’s diaper while my toddler rocked in the glider next to me.
“Just be happy, Mommy. Just be happy.”
He pleaded. My heart broke. I gripped the edge of the changing table and tried to hold back the tears. I wanted so badly to be happy for him and crying wasn’t going to show him I was happy. The truth was I was happier than I had been in years. Postpartum depression had been rough on me. My anxiety had been through the roof. I started medication when my second was born, and I felt like a new person.
My toddler had just been used to being an only child. And I, I may have been happy, but I was still getting used to splitting my attention between two little people. That part was harder than I had expected.
I smiled at him through the tears puddling in my eyes. I took a deep breath and said, “Okay.”
“Just be happy, Mommy.”
I hear it most days now. Even when I am happy. Sometimes when I ask him to do something he doesn’t want to do. Sometimes when I tell him to hurry. I’m guessing he just knows he has gotten a reaction before.
It’s a good reminder for me, though. When I do get frustrated. When I do get angry. When I am impatient. I try to remember that I am his world. At two and a half he has very little experience away from me. He learns from me. His emotions are greatly influenced by mine.
When I get caught up in my own life and my own problems, I look into his sweet, big, blue eyes and am reminded the goal is to be happy. He makes me happy. His brother makes me happy. And no matter how crappy the day is, how frustrated he makes me, or how overwhelmed I feel, there is always something to be happy about.
