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I had postpartum depression after my first was born. I’d heard of it before. Even worried I would have it because I’d had seasonal depression for years. I read up on what to look for and talked to my doctor about it at my 6 week check up.
Things went downhill from there.
Long story short: I didn’t take the medication. I was too scared to start it. I was too scared to tell anyone but my husband about the depression. I started to realize how bad my anxiety was. It all got bad, and I didn’t want to do it again. I switched doctors for my second pregnancy, and I went to my first appointment ready to talk about anxiety and depression. I was induced at 36 weeks 4 days. My baby spent 39 days in the NICU, and we have a long way to go before he is caught up and healthy. And yet, I am happier than I have been in years.
Here are a few things that have helped me cope this time around. There has been a night and day difference.
I’m not afraid to take medication
I was afraid before. I was afraid I wouldn’t be myself. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to get off of the medication. I was afraid of the stigma. Believe me, the medication is worth it. It has made all the difference in the world for me.
Everyday something happens that I know would have sent me over the edge before, and it doesn’t. I’m more relaxed. I can cope so much better. I can let things go. I have hope. Ironically, I am now scared to get off of the medication!
I take breaks
I exclusively breastfed my first. I hated the idea of using a pump and didn’t want to have to pump often enough to get my baby used to the bottle so I could leave him occasionally. I was also very attached.
My situation has been different this time, but even with my baby home now, I get out of the house. I run to the store or post office alone. I go to a movie or get my hair done. It’s not all the time, but even just knowing I’ll have a half hour or hour to myself helps.
I ask for help
Three years ago I felt like I needed to be supermom. I wanted to be able to do it all myself. I was so excited to have a baby of my own that I wanted to prove how amazing I would be at this motherhood thing. People would tell me how nice it would be to only take care of one child again, so I felt like I should have been able to do everything.
Now I give myself permission to not have it all together. I don’t have to do it all. It doesn’t even all have to get done. I admit to my husband when I need him to do something. I call my mom for advice. I have my toddler babysat.
And I let my house be a little cluttered.
I know my situation will change
I know you’ve probably heard it so many times, but it’s true. It won’t always be like this. Kids go through phases. Time ticks on. And while time won’t necessarily heal depression, knowing things will change is helping me not get caught up in feeling negatively this time.
Three years ago I felt trapped. I felt like I couldn’t take my baby anywhere because he would cry. I felt like I couldn’t leave him because he was breastfed. I was bitter that I never got enough sleep. The list goes on and on. When things are difficult this time, I remind myself to focus on the good parts of each stage.
I talk to people I trust
After my first was born I was afraid to admit to anyone that I was depressed. I didn’t want to be judged. I’d always wanted to have kids, and everyone had always said I’d be such a good mom. I felt like a failure. I didn’t want to let anybody see that.
Of course, my husband knows. But I have mentioned my depression to a few other people, and it feels freeing. It feels like I can be myself more because I don’t have to pretend everything is always wonderful. I’ve also started to notice how many people have experience with depression and medication. I’m not alone. You’re not alone. It’s not uncommon.
There is no magic cure for postpartum depression. Focusing on the good won’t fix everything. Just getting out of the house won’t make life rainbows and butterflies. And in all honesty, I hate it when people make coping with depression seem so simple. It’s not. Believe me, I know. I also know there are things worth trying. Things that might help even a little bit to help you keep going. For me, it has been a combination of things. I’m no longer afraid to admit I struggle. A lot of people do. And that’s okay. Do what you can. When you can. How you can. Talk to your doctor. And don’t stop trying.
